In case you’re curious as to what Mr. Daly carries his gear in. Here you go. With four giant waterproof drink pockets, the Izzo Pilot GPS Golf Bag easily packs 10 Bud artillery shells to ensure you forget that snowman you just got. And, in case things get a little out of hand, this Izzo also has a special spot for your GPS so that you can find your way back to the club house. Sure it’s big and bulky, but just take a cart.
Do you ever hit the links and find that you don’t have nearly enough room in your bag? No room for worthless things like balls, tees and clubs, but instead, some PBR tall boys. If so, you share a problem with us. John Daly however, does not share this problem. He apparently is so fully stocked with sauce that he tees the big dog off of his extras.
Tiger Woods was supposed to make a statement today. I have not read about it yet but, my guess is that his statement will be very similar to that of every other famous cheating husband – lots of tears, hand-holding, and sad faces – pretty much a giant joke. What Tiger should have done is give Kenny Powers a call prior to his press conference to get tips on what to say. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Kenny Powers, he is the main character from HBO’s hit series “Eastbound & Down.” Lucky for us, they have spoken, and IG got access.
Tiger: Where did I go wrong, Kenny?
Kenny: Sometimes when your bring the thunder, you get the storm.
Tiger: I guess but, I just feel like giving up.
Kenny: But, a true champion, face to face with his darkest hour, will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies.
Tiger: Yeah you’re probably right. I just got real down on myself while I was in sex rehab.
Kenny: Shit, you can die from that?
Tiger: No, but it’s just wrong to have that much sex.
Kenny: You know what? I can already tell that I don’t like you.
Tiger: Well, how did you act when the world was against you?
Kenny: Undaunted. I knew the game was mine to win. Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me. I’m the man who has the ball, I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.
Tiger: Wow! You’re Tough.
Kenny: Fuck man, I’m a bulletproof tiger, dude!
Tiger: I wish I was……..Hello, Hello?….
Kenny had hung up.
After hearing this, we do not recommend that Tiger take any advice from Kenny. In fact, it’s quite possible that Kenny is totally blasted on coke.
This is not a real interview. All KP quotes are taken directly from EB&D.
As long as I can remember, there has always been restrictions on golf equipment. From the metal in my golf head to the grip which I hang on to. This has never made any sense to me. Don’t we want to see players performing with the best possible equipment? I do.
Recently, Phil Mickelson fell under fire for using a Ping wedge which no longer conforms to USGA regulation (read here). Ridiculous. For a struggling sport, the USGA seems to be throwing a lot of road blocks in the way of golf’s recovery. Would it be so awful if we saw better play because better equipment was being used? And, would it be cheating if they all had the same equipment? I think not. Golf needs to be more exciting.
Remember in the late 90’s when baseball was seriously struggling? Attendance was down and people criticized the sport for being too slow. Then, 2 roid monkeys, Mark Mcgwire and Sammy Sosa came along and changed everything. They started treating baseball stadiums like the 200 ft fields you grew up playing little league on. They brought excitement back to the game, and with it, attendance, jersey sales and a love that had been dormant for a couple decades. It was a great time to be a baseball fan. However, they were eventually called cheaters for violating the leagues drug policy, and their achievements were tainted forever. However, baseball ended up recovering and is still doing well today.
Golf needs something similar. It needs something that can keep people interested. Something more fun. What golf doesn’t need is more innovative equipment, more rules on equipment, and more tradition. Maybe instead of these things, golf needs a needle. Hey, it worked for baseball.